The Ultimate Chess Showdown
by Howdyluvjinandbooks
Summary: Artemis Fowl VS Shikamaru from the anime Naruto in the ultimate chess showdown. I can just tell how many people have been waiting for it. Crossover, humor. A few twists and is original.
1. And so it begins

This is the story you've all been waiting for! The fierce chess showdown between Artemis Fowl and Shikamaru! Please don't read unless you've read/seen the two (Naruto and Artemis Fowl)

On to some crossover goodness.

PS I don't own either Artemis Fowl or Naruto.

And so it begins…

"Really Butler," said Artemis Fowl in a cold, clipped voice. He was about to enter the big convention room where the Worldwide Chess Tournament was being held. "Is this necessary? I highly doubt I will meet anyone here that would be able to even give me a half-decent challenge."

"However it may seem to you, Artemis," replied Butler, "Your mother insisted on you engaging in some sort of friendly competition. As you detest most sports, I thought that this might be the closest thing to something you might enjoy."

Artemis smiled a cynical smile as he entered with Butler and saw the hundreds assembled. He straightened his tie. "Well, I might as well win while I am here."

Different entrance

"Geez, how troublesome," said Shikamaru, sauterning, then stopping in front of the other entrance. His hands were in his pockets and a bored expression was on his face.

"DON'T BE STUPID, SMARTASS," yelled Naruto, as he always did, smiling like a maniac. He slapped Shikamaru on the back, pushing him into the room.

"Remind me again why I'm here," asked Shikamru, now annoyed.

"Well, it's because, one," replied Naruto, sticking up his index finger, "there's no one left in Konoha village that can beat you anymore. Number two, you really helped me out with my trying to find the crook behind my missing ramen, so I signed you up for this in thanks. And number three," said Naruto, grinning wider than ever, "IS TO SHOW THAT NO ONE CAN BEAT KONOHA SHINOBI!"

Shikamaru's sensei and parents came up from the rear following Naruto and Shikamaru. Ino, Chouji, Kiba & Akamaru and Temari all also came. They were all there to cheer and support Shikamru, and also to get away for a short vacation for a while.

(Why those particular people you ask? Well it's because whenever there's a flashback of the past of them as friends, it's always Kiba, Chouji, Naruto and Shikamaru. Ino is there because she's his teammate, and Temari is there because I heard she ends up with him :P Don't worry, I won't have any romance, many some hints between the two, but that's it. :P)

Shikamaru sighed with resignation. "So troublesome…"

Down in the bowels of the earth

Foaly, with his shiny tin hat slightly askew, was pounding on Holly and Mulch's agency office with one arm, a laptop tucked under his other arm. The door opened to reveal Holly.

"Hey Foaly! I thought you might be late! Thank goodness you came before it started. Go on, you can set it up over there."

Foaly trotted inside with a grin. "There's no way I'd miss this," he said, setting up his laptop on a short table in front of an old couch.

Holly brought over refreshments while Mulch brought over…whatever it is Mulch eats. The three of them settled themselves on the couch as the laptop's screen flickered on and showed a live broadcast of the Worldwide Chess Tournement.

"So, you're sure Foaly, that there's someone there that might be able to beat Artemis?" Holly asked.

Foaly chuckled. "Uh-huh. I found his stats in my files, and he should be able to give Artemis quite a run for his money."

Mulch grinned, before stuffing a fistful of … stuff into his mouth. "Giving Artemis a run for his money? I can't wait to see the look on his face…"

To Be CONTINUED!


	2. Ruffled confidence, lunch intermission

Ruffled confidence and first intermission

----O----

Artemis leaned back in his chair just after executing his last, well-planned move. "Checkmate," he said smugly, watching as the 40-something man in front of him clutched his head in disbelief and frustration.

"H-h-how can this be? I can't be beaten by a teen! I came in 2nd place last year!"

Artemis sighed. "I wonder how you managed that, considering how weak your strategy was," he said, pitiless. He stood up and lightly brushed his pants. He looked to the referee who noted wins and losses. "Was this my last match before the half-day break?" he asked.

The ref checked her notepad. "Yes, and since you have won your last," she paused, consulting the numbers, "67 matches you are free to go until we call the second half of the day."

Artemis smiled, having already expected this outcome. "Thank you," he replied, polite as ever.

"Let's go, Butler."

He started to head for the exit, Butler already following behind, when he heard a commotion coming from not too far away. Somewhat curious, and being free to leave, he decided to go see what was happening.

As he got closer, he saw a teen in a match versus a somewhat older, and smug opponent. Although at the moment, the smug opponent seemed rather impatient at the teen. Why? Well, it was because the teen had his hands touching, fingertip to fingertip, had his eyes closed, and wasn't moving.

This was rather odd, even to Artemis. He looked down at the board, and had to stifle a laugh. The teen's pieces were arranged in HORRIBLE positions. There was no way for him to win. Artemis thought to himself that even HE wouldn't be able to untangle a win from THAT mess.

There was a bench behind each player's seat for supporter's to sit on, and the teen's bench was PACKED. They were a rather strange looking bunch too. (Reminder: Chouji eating chips, Ino chatting with Temari casually, Kiba and Akamaru talking to Asuma about something, Shika's parents sleeping in sitting positions).

Artemis was a little puzzled at their obvious lack of concern. Didn't they realize the player they were supposedly rooting for was losing? Then his attention was brought to one particular boy with a shock of yellow hair, who got to his feet, cupped his mouth and bellowed at the teen, "COME ON ALREADY SHIKAMARU, AND WIN! I WANT TO GO EAT LUNCH!"

(NOTE: for the purposes of this story, Naruto's gang and Artemis understand each other and there are NO language barriers).

The teen opened his eyes. "Geez Naruto, must you be so loud? It's really troublesome."

He took his hands out of their weird position, and looked at the board. He then took a single piece and moved it. "Checkmate," he said.

The smug face of his opponent slipped off. "WH-WHAT?" He stared at the board. "Bu-bu-but…"

Shikamaru sighed as he looked over to the referee. "Can we go eat lunch now? I have a feeling if I stay any longer without a break, I'll have a troublesome person yelling at me to play faster."

The referee nodded. He looked at his notepad. "Right. You won your 67 matches for the first half of the day, so you may go until the second half of matches begins."

Shikamaru got up and sighed again. "Geez Naruto, I like to play chess, but this is much too troublesome."

Naruto grinned, already rounding up the rest of the supporters. "Yeah, yeah, say whatever you want. At least you're having some different challengers, and you're having fun."

Shikamaru grimaced. "Well, not _all_ of the matches were fun." Then he shrugged. "But some of them were at least," he said.

They group of them went out the exit, discussing options for lunch.

Artemis however, was still standing in the same spot, his confidence ruffled. He hadn't seen that move. How could he have missed that move? He broke out his thoughts when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Artemis? Artemis are you alright?" asked Butler with some concern.

Artemis cleared his throat, shaking his head to rid himself of his troublesome thoughts (heehee no pun intended). "It's nothing Butler. Let's go."

They left, although Artemis ounce mighty confidence, was now not feeling quite so secure as it once had been…


	3. Spying I Mean Surveillance

I'm a bad person. I'm sorry. I had a shitload of stuff to deal with. Please attempt to forgive me and my crappy, crappy writing.

Spying - I Mean Surveillance

----O----

Artemis Fowl was not stupid. Not in any sense. Therefore, having underestimated that last contestant, he resolved to not let himself slip again. After all, over-confidence has often been the downfall of many others. Artemis was resolved not to be like many others.

And this is how the following day found Artemis kneeling in his hotel room, working on a small electrical device.

This was a free day, that is to say, there were no games scheduled for that day. Almost all of the contestants had been eliminated, leaving very, very few opponents. The next day was to be the day of the final games.

Artemis narrowed his eyes as he focused his concentration on the wires he was adjusting and connecting. Butler was standing off to the side, holding in his palms a number of small metallic spheres. Finally Artemis rocked back to rest on his heels, bringing up the fruit of his labors to the sunlight, now streaming in through the window, so as to better examine it.

He nodded his satisfaction, getting up from his crouched position on the floor.

"Finished," he murmured, partly to himself, but mostly to inform Butler.

"Shall I go set them up?" questioned Butler.

"Yes, and I trust you know the location of all the targets?"

Butler nodded slightly, taking the last of the spheres delicately out of Artemis' open palms.

"Very well. I shall set up the remaining elements here."

Butler nodded again, entrusting Artemis with the completion of his task, while exiting the hotel room, closing the door behind him with an audible click. He closed his hand around all of the small spheres, each of them with a diameter no larger than a quarter, and casually slipped them into his pocket. He kept one of them in his grasp, fingering it slightly. He swept his alert and piercing gaze around the corridor. He turned to check the door's security quickly, then set off at a brisk pace towards the targets.

He needed to finish this quickly. He did not feel at ease leaving Artemis alone for extended periods of time, even with the fact that all the precautions he had set up should have provided suitable countermeasures against any threats.

He quickened his pace. The sooner he finished this mission, the better.

Meanwhile, back in the fortified hotel room, Artemis set about briskly and efficiently setting up the last of the surveillance equipment he had recently purchased. Granted, he had slightly- alright _completely-_ modified them to suit his purposes.

He now had several rather small screens stacked in an organized fashion in front of him. Flicking each of them on, he saw that Butler had already planted some of the small cameras on the remaining contestants. Artemis smirked slightly. Understand the enemy, right?

Understand how and what the enemy thinks. This concept is what led Artemis to the conclusion that he should scout out the remaining opponents, even if just to simply measure and appraise their abilities. He would then hold an advantage when playing them, as he would know how they think. He had not thought he would need to do this, but he would not make the mistake of being over-confident. He did not, however, want to waste needless energy watching them physically, one at a time, when he could see them all at once with the help of technology.

As the last of the screens flickered on, Artemis' smirk turned into a slight frown. All but one of the screens had a visual. All but one…

Butler was slowing growing more and more irritated. It was easy enough to locate and plant the spheres on most of the targets, as most were either in the dining space of the hotel's restaurant, or in the corridors on the way to and from their rooms. Others were slightly more difficult to find, but Butler found them nonetheless. However, the last target, the one which should have been the easiest to find, considering the sheer amount of his companions, was nowhere to be found. It was almost as if they were trained in stealth.

Butler growled mentally. He didn't give a shit how stealthy they were. He was going to find him.

Just then, as he was rounding a corner, he heard rather loud shouting coming from the entrance of the restaurant. As he caught sight of the entrance, he soon found both the cause of the commotion and his last target. He allowed himself a small predator grin at the sight of the three boys.

----O----

"Naruto, shut up, you're gonna get us thrown out!" growled Kiba, trying to restrain the indignant and rampaging Naruto.

"BUT, BUT, BUT! HE SAID THAT THEIR RESTAURANT DOESN'T MAKE "THAT _DISGUSTING_ SUBSTANCE CALLED RAMEN'!" he screeched pointing a vehement finger at the now cowering waiter.

"HE DARED TO INSULT **RAMEN**!" he yelled, now resuming his trashing. "LET ME AT 'IM!"

"Geez, Naruto! You're much too troublesome for your own good," grunted Shikamaru as he tried to help Kiba to drag Naruto away from the restaurant.

"Ack!" Shikamaru exclaimed as Naruto's flailing arm hit him in the eye. He dropped one arm away from Naruto to briefly rub his injured eye. Naruto, now with one arm previously restraining him gone, tried to jerk away in the opposite direction.

A "Hn" came from Shikamaru as he lunged to keep Naruto from mortally wounding the scrambling waiter. As he lunged, he barely registered the large man who jostled him roughly as he was briskly walking by. He really thought nothing of it, as he had the much bigger, louder and troublesome problem of Naruto to deal with.

Butler, however, was glad he had finally gotten all of the targets in such good time. He set off to the hotel room to watch over Artemis. He didn't stop until he was once again patrolling the area around Artemis and making sure all of his security measures were, well, secure.

----O----

(A/N: This is where my poor, sad attempt at humor enters. As well as the TRUE reason I had _some_ of these random characters shoved into the fic for no apparent reason at all! cackles evilly)

"My god, Naruto-baka, I thought you knew that we're not supposed to raise a commotion while here!" scolded Ino, now that the entire Konoha group was gathered outside the hotel. "We're lucky enough that Hokage-sama let us come here while the missions were light! I mean, the fact that she allowed all of us Chunin to leave the village on something besides a mission was gracious enough, but she even allowed her Jounin to come with us! Couldn't you, for once, not MAKE A COMPLETE ASS OF YOURSELF?" Ino yelled menacingly, cracking her knuckles.

Asuma sighed around his cigarette as Ino began pummeling a whimpering Naruto. "Alright," he spoke as Ino finally slowed down with her punches. "Today we're allowed to tour the town, if we wish. This is the only day to do so, as tomorrow are the final matches. We are to return to Konoha immediately after. You are _not_ to draw attention to yourself," Asuma said, looking pointedly at the now bleeding Naruto.

That, though, seemed to be all he had to say. "Well with that said I'm off," said Asuma, ambling off towards the town, hands stuck casually in his pockets. (Unbeknownst to the group, he was, in fact, going to buy Kurenai a souvenir.)

Shikamaru's father nonchalantly stretched his arms, yawning. "Well, I think I'll go back to my hotel room for a quick nap…" he said, trying to slowly walk back into the hotel.

"Oh no you don't," came a stern voice as a hand reached over to pull him by the ear. "You're going shopping with me. It's not often I get out of Konoha for a non-mission related reason," said his wife, already dragging him by the ear towards the small cluster of shops.

Shikamaru winced in understanding as his father yelped, clutching at his ear, then following resignedly. "Tsk, women," said Shikamaru. Then he froze, feeling a deadly intent to kill behind him. He turned slowly, to see the blood-lust emanating from the two females present. "What do you mean by that?" Ino said threateningly, cracking her recently used knuckles, while Temari snapped out her fan.

"Oh, uh, n-nothing really," he stammered out, backing away slowly. "I, uh, just, uh, I have to go," he managed, trying not to sprint into town.

Kiba, Chouji and Naruto, not wanting to be caught in the crossfire of female wrath, stuttered out some lame excuse before following suit.

The two kunoichi were left to grin at each other, amused at the reactions of their comrades.

----O----

Naruto sighed in relief to be away from those frightening fists, walking down the street with Kiba and Chouji. "So, what do you guys wanna do?" he asked finally, now that they were in town and away from immediate danger.

"Ahh, I don't know," said Kiba uninterestedly.

"What about you, Chouji?" Naruto asked.

Chouji, however, had stopped walking, and was standing still, lightly sniffing the air. He then started walking, apparently following some kind of trail. Naruto and Kiba shrugged, following him.

He eventually stopped in front of a cleared out area, filled with people milling around. "Huh?" said Naruto, poking his head around Chouji to peer at the crowd. "What is this?" he asked, looking around.

Kiba laughed, pointing up to the banner that stretched across two poles, high above them. "Looks like Chouji led us straight to an eating contest," he said, smirking slightly.

Naruto grinned. "Contest, eh? Well, I bet I could beat your ass even worse than during the Chunnin exam!"

"Oh yeah, drop-out?" Kiba challenged, Akamaru yipping a challenge as well.

"Yeah," exclaimed Naruto.

"It's a fight then."

They raced off into the newly dubbed arena of eating ability and honor, already behind Chouji, as the contestants set themselves up.

----O----

Shikamaru sighed, strolling down the rather empty street. He was even more bored than usual.

He was contemplating whether or not to go watch clouds in the park when suddenly, a shop caught his eye. He stopped in mid-step. He turned around to face the small store. His jaw dropped. This, _this_ was his calling. How come they didn't have this store in Konoha? thought Shikamaru as he approached it in a daze. How could he have lived his entire life without knowing about this? He entered and he felt as if he was in heaven.

He was, in reality, in a La-Z-Boy store.

He gazed at the rows upon rows of recliners and sofas and all manner of soft plushy things to sit on.

He sank slowly and comfortably into a recliner. As he tilted his head back onto the conveniently located head rest, he decided he would spend the rest of the day there, doing absolutely nothing. Just the way he liked it. He closed his eyes as a small smile made its way onto his face. No missions for the time being, no annoying comrades or friends, no confusingly frightening women…

He sighed in contentment as he propped up his feet. "No trouble…"

----O----

Artemis, if he did say so himself, was rather adept in psychology. After all, he had written quite a few papers on the subject.

Therefore, he was having quite an easy time assessing the skills of his opponents. And to add to the simplicity of the situation, some of them were actually writing down their strategies or talking about them. Out loud for goodness sake. For the others, he had to take some time to figure out their mind-sets and thus their respectable ways of playing. It was even vaguely amusing.

Artemis concluded he had quite enough information for most of them. All except for the last one…

He turned his attention to the last screen, brow furrowed slightly. If he could be excused for being so crude, what the hell was that guy thinking?

All of the others were preparing for the matches, why even Artemis was preparing in his own way. So what was that guy doing?

Artemis' brow furrowed deeper. It couldn't possibly be what it looked like. He probably had some deeper motive in sitting in that recliner. Yes, some kind of hidden reason… He was probably developing some kind of hidden strategy for the game.

As Artemis continued to mull over different possibilities in his hotel room, Temari and Ino were both wandering the streets of the town together, looking for Shikamaru.

Temari sighed tiredly. "Honestly, why can't he just take care of himself?" she asked Ino, as Ino looked around hoping to find her teammate.

Ino looked at Temari superiorly for a moment. "Because," she explained, "for all of his genius, he's stupid!"

"…" Temari continued looking at her silently.

Ino sighed in exasperation. "Look, even though Shikamaru is pretty smart, when he doesn't need to, he just doesn't use his head because of his unmotivated personality. Since this isn't a mission, or something he was personally interested in, he's probably being stupid and doing absolutely nothing to prepare for tomorrow," she patiently explained.

"Sooooo, this means it's up to us responsible women to fix the error of man!" she finished triumphantly.

Temari nodded slowly. "I see what you mean," she said, pointing behind Ino.

Ino turned around to spot a dozing Shikamaru in a shop. "Kami, he's even more hopeless than I thought," she muttered.

She set her mouth in a determined line. "Looks like it's up to us."

"What is?" asked Temari.

"Shikamaru will never haul his lazy ass to prepare for tomorrow. We'll have to do it for him."

"But what exactly will we do?"

Ino smiled slightly. "What ninjas do best. It's time for a little information gathering mission."

With that, the two kunoichi began their plotting.

----O----

Butler suddenly got a feeling, as he was currently glaring menacingly at all passer-by. It wasn't a good feeling. It was a 'oh-shit-something's-gonna-happen-and-it-does-not-involve-happy-things' feeling. He suppressed a small shiver of foreboding.

He checked on Artemis briefly. Then, he became even more alert for the slightest hint of wrong-doing. Whatever this was, he was going to stop it. Dead. In. It's. Tracks.

He shifted his stance.

Bring it on.

----O----

TBC

Sooooo…review? Please tell me what you thought and please…no flames. They buuuurn me and it hurts. whimpers TToTT

(A/N: next chappie will have the long awaited showdown and it'll be the last chapter. It'll take me a while to write it though, so don't expect it soon. Sorry. I'll make up for it with entertainment value and a shocking twist. :P )


	4. Girls and Butler Showdown Sorta

Girls and Butler Showdown …. Sorta

----O----

From within a certain hotel room, one might have heard the rustling of leaves coming from outside the window. But as there was a tree outside said window and there was a light wind after all, one would have dismissed it. Especially if one had other thoughts on their mind. Like trying to crack into the mind of a seemingly lazy, dozing teen reclining in a La-Z-Boy chair.

Artemis leaned back, frowning. He was prepared to work on this case for hours if he had too. Sinking deep into the abyss of thoughts and ideas, Artemis soon found himself no longer paying any attention to his surroundings.

And why should he? He did after all have an excellent bodyguard who would take care of anything that could be a threat.

----O----

The bodyguard in question was currently patrolling the hallway in front of the hotel room. Artemis had asked to be alone so that he could better concentrate, so Butler was doing what he could from outside the room.

Meanwhile, Butler still couldn't shake off his feeling of uneasiness. So far he hadn't encountered anything suspicious, but you couldn't ever really be too careful. Butler mentally ran through a list of security measures while simultaneous glaring at a poor maid wheeling a cart down the hallway.

Hmmmm…

He was covering the most obvious mode of entry and the balcony door to the room was laid out with a trap…Was there any other way for an intruder to get it?

Butler frowned slightly, thinking. His eyes widened.

Oh shit. He forgot about the window.

Now normally he would have covered the window too, but since they were on a pretty high floor, he had let himself overlook it. But now that he thought about it there was a tree outside it….Granted, the tree had no branches until the near top of it, but he wasn't going to be taking any chances. Checking that the door was securely…secure, he briskly made his way to the elevator so that he could go outside and fix that problem.

He could have had an easier job of simply going through the room and fixing the problem from the inside, but if he happened to interrupt Artemis at a crucial part of his thoughts…

Butler sped up, entering an elevator while the maid who had been passing through started descending in the second elevator.

----O----

The blond maid waited patiently for the elevator to reach the main floor. The elevator ground to a halt, the doors smoothly opening. She wheeled her cart out and left it next to other carts. Then, leaving it there, she made her way out of the hotel. Ducking to the side of the hotel, she looked around quickly to ensure no one was looking.

Then, with an amazing burst of speed you wouldn't expect most people to have, she ran up to one of the tallest trees next to the hotel. She jumped, rebounding off of the wall of the hotel and then alternatively off of the tree, as made her way to the top branches of the tree. She crouched on a relatively thick branch when there was a light poof of smoke, and when it cleared, the blonde girl in the hotel's maid uniform was replaced to reveal a smirking Ino.

"So?" questioned Temari who had already been crouching on the branch.

They were surrounded by leaves, so someone looking at the tree wouldn't have been able to see them.

Ino sighed. "Looks like there's a gorilla guarding the main door and I don't want to start a commotion by fighting past him. It isn't like our self-appointed mission is all that important anyway."

The two girls had already asked around, judges and spectators alike, and from the information they had gathered, they wasn't really anyone all that great who could actually beat Shikamaru except for one boy. They had heard that he was exceptionally good, and could beat most of his opponents within a small number of moves.

From what they gathered, he also kept mostly to himself and he was always accompanied by a large man who seemed to be his bodyguard.

Therefore they decided to spy- I mean observe- him to see if they could find out anything at all that could be useful to Shikamaru in his match.

Their current vantage point let them see into his room through his window, but Ino had gone to see if she could somehow get into the room.

Why would she want to get into the room when they could both perfectly see into his room and his action?

Well this would be due to the fact that for the past hour and sixteen minutes he had done nothing but stare, fixated, at a small screen.

Ino glanced into his room. "Geez, he's still watching the screen? What's he watching? Dirty videos? Chess strategies?"

"How the hell should I know?" growled Temari. "I'm getting fed up with this." She stood up. "I'm gonna go into his room through the window for a sec," she said.

"No wait," said Ino. "I think I'll try and send my mind into his body for a minute, so make sure my body doesn't fall out of the tree, alright?"

Temari sighed. "Fine, but make sure you find _something_ out at least. Or I'll be pretty damn pissed that waiting here for the last couple of hours was for nothing."

Ino positioned her hands in front of face and concentrated. As she cast her mind into Artemis and her body fell limp, Temari caught it and positioned it against the trunk of the tree so that her body was slouched. Turning her attention away from the completed task, she looked into the room to see if Ino had been successful.

----O----

Ino blinked slightly, adjusting to the new body. She flexed his hands, looking around the room. Yes, defiantly Artemis. She looked out the window and could see a glint of metal, which was most likely Temari.

Success.

She looked down at the screen only to have her jaw drop.

The thing Artemis had been watching for the last couple of hours was none other than that good-for-nothing-lazy-ass Shikamaru?!

For a few moments Ino couldn't think of anything except WTF? But thanks to her ninja training, she quickly snapped back to normal. As she sat thinking about what the sleeping Shikamaru on the screen could mean, she realized it was probably the same thing she and Temari was doing; surveillance.

She frowned. Well, she certainly wasn't going to waste any time for the rest of the day watching Artemis watch Shikamaru. She could have gone shopping with Temari, or hang out with Chouji, or spar, but nooo, she had to get the brilliant idea of helping her lazy-ass teammate.

Slightly pissed, she was about to return to her body when a thought occurred to her. While she was in Artemis's body, she might as well pay him back a little for wasting her precious non-mission time, couldn't she?

A scary, evil face came over her. It wasn't often she got free time, with working at her parent's shop, and training, and missions. She cackled. Oh yesss. She was going to have some fun to make up for the time this bastard had made her miss.

----O----

Temari was growing impatient, but then she became startled when Artemis, or rather I should say Ino, got a very scary, evil, mischievous face. She was about to go closer to see better into the room when something caught her attention from below.

She looked down and saw none other than the gorilla man. She smirked. Well now, it wasn't fair for Ino to have all of the fun now was it?

She had been sitting here for the last couple of hours, and wouldn't mind blowing off some steam. If a gorilla man got hurt in the process, well hell. She wasn't about to cry over it.

----O----

Butler had reached the tree next to the room's window when he got a shiver of foreboding. He looked around sharply. He had come here to fix the security measures on the window, but…

His head whipped around. He saw that it was nothing more than some fallen leaves. He frowned. He bent forward to examine them when a glint of metal in the treetops caught his eye. Working off of instinct, he rammed himself into the tree, shaking it, and causing a figure- no wait- _two_ figures to come plummeting out of the tree.

He grinned, but that soon vanished when one of the figures righted itself in mid-air, caught the other figure in its arms and began to make an escape.

He started to run after them when it occurred to him it might be a trap to lure him away from Artemis. Artemis…Oh shit, they HAD been next to the window after all!

Sharply changing the direction in which Butler had been running, ha bolted back towards the hotel.

----O----

Temari grumbled to herself as she made her way with Ino's body to town. She would have liked a little excitement fighting a random gorilla man, but unfortunately she had to look after Ino's body until she came back. Ahh well. At least she didn't have to sit in that tree anymore.

She grimaced. Her muscles were taut. Suddenly sitting in a La-Z-Boy chair relaxing didn't sound so bad. She shifted her hold on the body. And she could also set down Ino's body somewhere until she returned.

----O----

Ino was cackling to herself, putting the finishing touches on her revenge when she heard hasty footsteps pounding down the hall and someone trying to open the door. Startled, she quickly returned to her body, finding herself in a chair.

She blinked.

She looked around. Ah. It seems that she was with Shikamaru and Temari in the La-Z-Boy store. She grinned smugly. Looks like she could relax while her little bit of revenge was exacted. It really was too bad she couldn't see their faces, but that didn't matter that much.

She stretched slightly, planning out the rest of her day, including Chouji along with her and Temari and Shikamaru on a shopping spree.

----O----

Meanwhile Artemis, shook his head slightly. He felt slightly dizzy, and, looking at a clock, found that around a half hour had passed. Hmm. He must have dozed off.

Suddenly, the hotel room door was flung open, and a slightly disheveled Butler stood in the frame.

Then, for some unknown reason, the usually calm and stoic Butler's jaw dropped open.

Artemis became puzzled both at Butler's outburst into the room and at his reaction. He frowned. "Butler, what's wro-," he started.

He was cut off as he got a glimpse of himself in the room's mirror.

----O----

A cleaning maid got off of an elevator to clean a floor of rooms, being slightly late, as her cart had mysteriously disappeared for a bit. As she readied herself to wheel the cart down the hall she suddenly heard an ear-piercing scream coming from one of the rooms down the hall.

TBC –

Poor Artemis. :( By the way, all of those who have reviewed have made me very happy. Your reviews made my day. I am soo grateful! Sankyuu!


	5. Forgive me

I'm very sorry, but this story has been discontinued. D: If you really wish to know the ending I had planned out, but never written, you may ask me to post my rough sketch of it up.


	6. What would've been the end

A/N: This is the rough sketch of what I would have written. I would have written it better, and drawn it out longer obviously, but I'm not going to. So if you want to know how I would have finished the story, here you go.

Open with Artemis and Butler walking to their final match. They are early and Artemis sits down in a chair. Butler asks if Artemis is still upset about what happened the other day. Artemis replies he is not; he was just shocked at seeing himself somehow dressed in full drag with heavy makeup. Enter Shikamaru and the gang. Upon seeing the 'gorilla-man' again (Butler), Temari and Ino whisper and giggle, pointing occasionally at Artemis. Bulter becomes a little ticked off but doesn't do anything.

Match begins. Artemis and Shikamaru shake hands and exchange a few words or challenge. They begin to play. They play for a little while, neither getting any progress done. Shikamaru does his little thing and begins to gain the upper hand. Artemis does his little thing and evens it out. It's down to the climax and it's anyone's game. The next move is going to determine the win, when for no apparent reason, the lights begin to flicker and turn off, leaving the hall in darkness. Thuds, smashes and a few loud sounds can be heard among the din of people panicking. Someone manages to turn the lights back on and it is revealed that not only has the entire chess set and its table disappeared, the hall is wreaked and there are several gaping holes in the floor. The tournament is cancelled and will not be re-done due to the extensive damage in the hall.

Artemis and Shikamaru shake hands commenting on the good game and how they hope to play each other again. Each leaves, wondering and trying to figure out the strange events.

Open last scene in which the hokage Tsunade is sitting at her desk, grumbling and doing paperwork. Shizune comes in and asks what was her reason for spending a good amount of the treasury hiring a person named "Mulch" for some sort of mission. Tsunade replies that she had, in fact, saved a good amount of money in the treasury by hiring him. She explains that, in a drunken state, she had placed ridiculous sums of money betting on the outcome of the final chess match; however, being piss-ass drunk, she had placed bets on both Artemis and Shikamaru. To escape paying, she had hired Mulch to somehow stop the match and the tournament. She had sent a few ninja along with him to cause the damage necessary. She says that as he had special skills that were needed (as in, digging holes through floors with his mouth). Such skills would not be considered exceptionally unusual among ninja, so there really wasn't any fear on Mulch's part that Tsunade would think he wasn't human, which is why he accepted the job; that, and the amount he got paid.

End story with some sort of humorous remark.


End file.
